Back with the Twin, Wedding in PA, Phone Situation, & Lonely <|3

So, me and my cousin AKA my Twin are back to being thick as thieves, all grudges dropped & forgiven :D

The wedding in PA was completely crazy, very tiring, but lots of fun at the same time (:

I don't know if I'll have enough graduation money to buy a new phone this month but even if I do or don't, I don't know what phone I wanna get. My choices are a Blackberry, an IPhone, the LG Revolution, or a Droid. I might just wait until I come back in August, get a job, & save up some money and pay for my own phone, my own plan, & my own bill and transfer to Virgin Mobile. It's the cheapest phone company out there so I don't know what I'm gonna do about the phone situation yet but we'll see by the end of June & my graduation.

I'm also beginning to feel very lonely. I see all my friends and the people I love in a relationship and I'm not and I'm jealous.
I hate to admit it but, I'm jealous of my twin because of her amazing relationship just like she's jealous of me because I'm already in college.
But it's always been that way.
I've always been jealous of her for having so many hot boyfriends & so many friends and she was always jealous of me because I still have a family that cares about me & how well I've done in school.
Now she's catching up to me and even getting ahead of me.
She's got the boyfriend, the job, the phone, & her drivers permit already. AND she's starting to do better in school.
I mean, I love her to death but all I've got is the family & college.
Not even close. Maybe I shouldn't think of it this way, but I just can't help it.

That's it for now.
Tootles.

Officially a Redhead ♥

I'm a redhead ♥ What do you think ? >:D

Ipad, New Phone, Love & Other Drugs, Photography, & Poetry ♥

So, at first, in August I was supposed to be getting a Samsung Galaxy Tablet from Verizon but today, my dad let slip that he's THINKING about getting me an IPad in August for my graduation so I'm REALLY excited >:D

Hopefully, I'll get enough graduation money and be able to save up and upgrade to a new phone. I'm either getting an LG Revolution or a Droid Charge. Not sure which yet, but I don't even know if I'll have enough graduation money to buy a new phone but I hope so because I'm already tired of my phone and it's already starting to act up on me and I've only had it for about a year now.

Love & Other Drugs is like, my new favorite movie. It's probably better then any Nicholas Sparks movie I've seen. Better than Dear John and WAY better than the Last Song and maybe even better than the Notebook. It's a wonderful, heartwarming, tear jerker romantic comedy and I love it. Jake Gyllenhaal & Anne Hathaway have such chemistry together. And I now own it and I'm lovin' it! ♥

Also, gonna start working on my photography & poetry and see where it takes me (:
Gonna try my hand at more poetry and start carrying my camera around with me more often [:

That's all for now.
Tootles ! ♥

Camel Crush, Wedding, Love, Partying, MobWives, & Kitty Volunteer ♥

So, just a bunch of updates and new things going on.

I got my official ID card stating that I'm eighteen and it was a JOY to be able to walk up to the counter in RiteAid and ask for my favorite cigarettes and be able to whip out my ID when asked. It felt awesome, like a huge turning point in my life lmao

This whole weekend I'm gonna be in Pennsylvania to attend my aunt's sister's daughter's SECOND wedding so it should be fun. I'll be gone the whole weekend with no computer but it's alright because there's free food, new people, and lots of dancing ! >;D haha
We're leaving Saturday morning, bright and early, right when the sun comes up and heading out for the three hour drive to PA which I'll probably just sleep the whole ride and listen to music and text, which is cool with me lol
Won't be back until Monday night but that's okay because I got the whole night to chill and relax and I plan on sleeping the day away Tuesday morning because I know I will be EXHAUSTED from the long weekend.

I also know what I want as far as love goes.
I want a real relationship and a real man who's going to love me for me, respect me, trust me, be honest with me, and love me for who I am and doesn't try to change who I am or what I look like. I want a man who's going to have eyes for me, and only me. I want a man who's going to be faithful to me and who wants me to be happy and he's gonna try his very hardest and best to make me happy because seeing me happy makes HIM happy. I don't want a boy. I'm tired of boys and their immaturity. I want a real man who believes that forever is possible ♥

Also, I am now allowed back into my cousin's territory, courteousy of my mother who thinks that my cousin doesn't rule and reside over the whole damn city and I should be allowed to be out with my friends there if I wanna be without any interference or problems from her. So, definitely going to try to make plans with all my old girlfriends that I miss oh so much and, hopefully, make some new ones lol ♥

By the way, MobWives is probably the best show ever put on TV.
One, it's on VH1 and NOT MTV.
Two, it's not about a bunch of sluts and man whores fucking each other and getting wasted.
And three, the show is about four ADULT women (NOT TEENAGERS) that have some connection or affiliation with the Mob.
It's very interesting and exciting to see what they have to go through, how they deal with it, and some of the stupid drama they get into lol

Also some great news...
I FINALLY recieved the email from the animal shelter asking about volunteering for the cat program and I'm definitely starting next week, which I am SO excited about because I'm going to be out of the house more often and playing with & taking care of animals, specifically cats & kittens (: ♥ lol
So...
I CAN'T WAIT ! :D

That's all for now.
TOOTLES ! =]

New Hair ♥

This is the color I will be dyeing my hair in about another week or so.
I can't wait (: ♥

Of course, I have to prep my hair and get it ready to be colored and the only two options are to baby the SHIT out of it with special conditioners, combs, and the like OR cut it shorter then I want it to be and lose all that time growing my hair and getting it to its current length.
My hair is very damaged and broken, from my stupidity with constant using of a brush and pulling the tangles and knots out of it.
Of course, I've chosen to prep my hair before the big coloring and dyeing day because, as I said, I do not wish to lose it's currently long length.

Pictures will most definitely be posted when my hair is completely finished.
Like I said ...
I CAN'T WAIT >:D
♥

Nuff' Said♥

Zumba Fitness♥

Tonight I have started classes called Zumba Fitness ♥
Every Monday night is in a club called Molly Darcy's and every Sunday it's at a War Memorial.
There are classes every Monday, Wednesday, & Friday but we can't make it on Wednesdays.
I wish I had a girlfriend I could go with but I have to go with my mom instead, but that's alright lol
Even though she's uncoordinated and keeps knocking into me, we still have lots of fun.

Anyway, this my chosen way of exercise.
Instead of heading out to the boring gym every week and walking on a treadmill for an hour, I get to go to a club and listen to some kick ass dance music and dance while exercising at the same time.

I'm really committed to this and hope to lose enough weight where I'll be able to wear a bikini and ACTUALLY look hot lmfao

Alone...

So, I am completely single, and don't even bother to ask why because I don't even wanna get into it.

Everytime I try to make plans with people in my area, they bail on me or come up with excuses or something gets in the way or goes wrong and the people that would actually hang out with me, are in another state and I'm not allowed to see them.

I sleep all day because I'm up all night watching movies and playing video games that I've watched and played a thousand times already.

I have no job, which equals no money, and no license, which of course equals no car.

I really wanna start volunteering already at the animal shelter I applied to but all I know is that I'm supposed to be getting an email about when the orientation for the cat program is and I still haven't gotten it yet, so I'm stuck here at home, waiting for this email that seems like it's never gonna come.

I need just anything to get me out of this house.
I guess I just expect friends, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a job, a license, etc. to just come to me but I know they won't.
I have to go out and work for them and look for them myself, except I have no means of doing that.

I have come to the conclusion that I have no life, I am completely alone, and I guess I just like to feel sorry for myself...

My mother blames my bad attitude and laziness for the absence of all the things I just listed and she's probably right because I know I have a bad attitude and I am EXTREMELY lazy...

But what am I gonna do about that ???

Nothing.
Guess I'll just sit here, shut up in the white walls of my room that seem more like prison bars, and wallow in my misery, like always....

Kitty Volunteer, Pirates, & a Bi Beauty ♥

So, instead of volunteering at some boring hospital that smells like clerical soap, I shall be volunteering at the local animal shelter and be playing and taking care of the kitties >:D ♥
I went to the orientation for all volunteers tonight and in another week or so, should be getting an email about when to attend the orientation for the cat program (:
I decided to work with the cats because almost all the volunteers that came to the orientation decided to work with the dogs and, as much as I love dogs, the cats need tending as well, plus I love all animals ♥
Well, at least ones with fur, anyway :P

On Friday, I'm going to see the new Pirates of the Carribbean movie with my girly, Catherine ♥
Which should be fun IF it isn't sold out xP lol

And tonight I was IMed by a random girl that I didn't even know AT FIRST, but it turns out she knows my cousin and almost our whole family.
She's lived in Danbury and she currently lives in Yonkers, she's eighteen, and she's a bisexual beauty ♥
There was a bit of flirting going on but I let her know I'm not available right now but if and when I do become available, I will DEFINITELY give her a shot [;
Her name is Cassie ♥

Still very much in love with * Benji * ♥ and oh . . .
Did I mention that my cousin is probably moving to Puerto Rico ? >:D

That is all.
Tootles , & goodnight [:
♥

A Night in the City that Never Sleeps with the One Person You Can't Live Without ♥

So, because I had such a beautifully enchanting evening in New York City with the Great Benjamin last night, I've decided to blog about it (:

So, I spent the night with Benji last night for my 18th birthday that passed a couple weeks ago and we were supposed to be going to the Palisades mall but my mom screwed us up because she called it the Nanuet mall so me and Benji basically took a bunch of train rides and ended up in New Jersey or at least, the borderline of New Jersey and New York.

So basically, the whole night turned into a big adventure with romantic train rides and holding hands under the never ending lights of the city that never sleeps ♥
We walked through Times Square and he had his arm around me and we saw the Empire State Building lit up and it was simply beautiful ♥
It felt like we didn't have to hide and we could just be together and belong to each other and be happy together ♥

We ate at the best McDonalds in New York where the burgers actually look like they do in the commercials and we indulged ourselves in a bunch of food and we finished it off with Milk n' Cookie shakes from ColdStone Creamery. It was a sweet ending to a delicious meal.
He ate 2 angus burgers and some fries and I ate 2 grilled chipotle snack wraps and some fries.

We finished the night off on a 45 minute train ride back to the suburbs in our own private seat that we kinda found by accident but it secluded us from the rest of the train and its passengers so we had like our own private seating.
And, of course, the Great Benjamin discovered it >:D

So, lets just say it got a little steamy but then it died down to simply romantic and we started kissing while listening to "When Its Love" by Van Halen. And we actually didn't kiss until the romantic chorus broke out and it was just SO corny but SO fucking romantic at the same time and it just felt so perfect ♥
So, because of that indescribable moment, that's basically OUR song now lol :P ♥

The end to the evening was kinda sad and frustrating because we had a serious discussion that we didn't even get to finish and it upset us both and it was just, not the best ending to the evening but overall, the entire night was simply magical and the best birthday present ever because I got to spend one magical night with a man that I truly adore and we got to be free, together ♥

I don't wanna ruin this post by telling you all what our serious conversation was about so I'm just gonna end this post on a romantic and happy note (:

As Van Halen would say, "How do you know when it's love?"
I can't tell you, but it lasts forever ♥

Wicked Lovely

So, I haven't posted in a very long while.
Things have been quite hectic and crazy over here lately.

Well, just to update you on a few things, I'm fresh out of high school.
I graduated in February and I started community college before I graduated.
I just finished the Spring semester with passing grades in the two classes I took as a non-metriculated student and I'll be starting full time in the fall as a Liberal Arts major.
Hopefully I can find a job around then but for now, I'm trying to become a volunteer at my local hospital.
I wish I could get a job now but I have to go down to South Carolina and help out my grandparents with my baby cousin so I'll be down there the whole month of July and I'll be back in August.
My official graduation is in June when all the slackers graduate on time lol
My birthday was just recently and I am now officially eighteen and loving it (:

Now that I've finished school until the fall, I have more time to blog and study for my permit test so I can FINALLY learn how to drive.

I think I've matured in the past year ALOT and I've learned about life and about myself in general.
I'm starting to see who my true friends are and I'm trying to make new ones and stick around my neck of the woods as far as hanging out and making friends goes and I'm trying to stay away from my cousins territory because I just don't belong there and I think I can see where I'm not wanted, but that's okay because I don't wanna be there anyway.
I got my own life to live, my own friends to hang out with, and people to meet so I don't even NEED to be there in the first place and I am quite content with where I am right now.

An even bigger newsflash, I guess you could call it, is that I am truly, madly, and very deeply in love with someone right now but it's so very complicated and I don't think I need to post my whole life story on my blog but just thought ya'll should know that little tidbit.
But you can all know his name is Benjamin, but everyone calls him Benji, but I call him by my own nickname that I gave him which is the Great Benjamin ♥
He is truly amazing and I never thought I could find a guy that would treat me as good as he does and makes me feels this way.
I've honestly never felt this way about anybody before in my entire life and I'm not just saying that.
I can't explain how he makes me feel but he makes me feel different, and important, and special and there are just no words but so many at the same exact time.
We have so much in common and well, yeah. Oh, and he's Nigerian which makes him black but I really could care less about his color and I also don't care what anyone thinks about it because honestly, there is nothing wrong with an interracial relationship and if two people are happy together and make each other happy, then just leave them the FUCK alone.
PERIOD.

I can't really say I'm in a relationship but I know that I am MOST DEFINITELY not available in ANY WAY shape or form.
Well, as good ole' Bella from the Twilight Saga would say, (even though Hermione is a WAY better role model for girls and totally more kickass), "I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." ♥
Did I mention that his name is Benji ? [:
TEE HEE ! ^_^

That is all.
TOOTLES ! ♥

Writing My First Album Review

So, I'm getting a big and helpful headstart on my career.
My "mentor", Tommy, gave me my first assignment in my career as a rock journalist.

My assignment is to write a review for Third Eye Blind's newest album, URSA Major.
Right now, I am jotting now background notes I need to include about the album and the band and also researching some tips on what should or needs to go into an album review.

I will keep you posted.

I will also be working on a new post that I am calling:

"Love Letter to My Leather"

~I.F.~

♥ College Fair ♥

I am exhausted.
I was up late last night because I went to a College Fair at Danbury Fair Mall, went to Friendlys for dinner, and when I got home I had to do my homework and sift through the over 100 college brochures I got.

There are about 6 I am most interested in out of the 100 brochures I have.

 ♥ University of New Haven ♥

This university is local and the tuition is very cheap for in-state transfers: $9,000-$17,000 per year. They have a great Communications and Journalism program and they also have an Interior Design Major.

♥ Paier College of Art ; Hamden, CT ♥

This school is also local and tuition per year is about $15,000. They have Interior Design and Photography majors.

♥ Fashion Design & Merchandising School ; California ♥

This school is in California and has a great Interior Design and Fashion Photography Program.

♥ Digital Media Arts School; Florida ♥

This school is in Florida and they have really great Video Game Design and Photography majors.

Greensboro University ; North Carolina

This is one state away from my grandparents and they have great Journalism and Photography majors.

Coastal Carolina University ; South Carolina

This is very close by my grandparents house. It's about a 5 to 10 minute drive and they have many great Writing majors and courses.

*The hearts indicate my favorite schools and best picks*

My plan is to go to a Community College or University for about a year or two to raise my GPA and than I plan to transfer to one of the above schools.

I want to major in Interior Design or Photography.

I want to minor in either Journalism, Fiction Writing/Creative Writing, or Poetry.

If I had to take a science class in college, I'd want to take either Forensic Science or Marine Biology.

The College Fair was amazing and I think I know what I want now ...

♥ I want to be either an Interior Designer or Professional Photographer and have Writing be a side job/hobby ♥

P.S. I'm also getting a professional camera for Christmas so I can delve back into Photography again ♥ Purple, of course :]

~I.F.~

Purple, Music, & Cake

I am ashamed.
I just posted a blog about how fat I am, and now I'm eating a big piece of chocolate, ice cream cake. But, I was hungry and I didn't like what was being served in the cafeteria so .... No, it's bad, it's all bad.

Anyway, I am a Purple Girl.
My mom bought me a fucking kick ass pair of purple sunglasses yesterday and they're just fucking awesome!
I'm trying to also get a kick ass Ed Hardy purse cuz' my mom bought me a bunch of kick ass pins from Hot Topic and I want to put them on this new purse.
My mom even brought me home a box of purple pens!
I love purple !! =]

Music has saved my soul. It's been there for me when nobody else was. It helped me through the hardest times in my life, whether I needed to scream, laugh, or cry. It's always there, like an invisible life force, holding my hand as I walk through life. It helps me unleash the feelings I keep locked up inside and just helps me let it out. Doesn't matter if it's head bangin' rock and roll, suicidal screamo, or sexy hip hop. Whatever my mood, there's always something to listen to, and I always have my headphones to plug into my ears. My headphones are my life source. Music has saved my soul.

~I.F.~

Finding Myself

It seems that I am learning more and more about myself every day.
Like just now, I had to put on music to get my mind ready to blog, regardless of the fact were not supposed to have electronics out in school. But my MP3 and my cell phone are out for everyone to see on the table as I type this blog.

I even learn things about myself through my Transitions class because we're always taking surveys to help us find out more about ourselves.

There are a lot of changes that I need to be making but I'm just too lazy and I don't have the energy. I know that I shouldn't be making excuses but, I probably have a thyroid problem just like my mother, that I need medication for. This problem is probably the cause of me being so tired all the time. I wanna get the medication soon because I hate feeling like this. I hate not having the energy to do what I wanna do every day.
My schedule after school goes something like this:
I get home and I'm exhausted. I get comfortable and then I end up watching TV for too long or falling asleep. Then I end up doing my chores and homework too late and then my mom gets home and I have to eat dinner and shower, and then even though I'm tired, I stay up late to have more free time to read and write. And the vicious cycle continues.

I'm getting really bad. While I was away in South Carolina, I got very fat. I was eating constant junk every hour on the hour and when I got home, I found to my shocking horror that I couldn't fit into jeans that I wore for most of last year. But, I forced myself into them and now they're actually ripping because they can't contain my folds of fat.
I don't excercise enough. I mean, I do walk every day but it's not enough because the fattening foods I eat every day doesn't help and defeats the purpose of walking.
I don't like seeing myself naked before a shower because it disgusts me ... To look at myself and all the extra baggage that weighs me down ...
And I want to put on makeup every day and do my hair differently but because I'm so exhausted every day, I don't have the energy to do so.

The only good thing I've done is keeping my head in the books and doing my work and doing all my chores when asked of me.

I've also discovered that I am not ready for a relationship, at all.
I am not happy with my self image so how can I be happy with somebody else ?
I am happy with myself as a person, but health and image wise, not so much.
I do need to work on myself more, and I know I have lots more to find out about myself and my inner being but, my health is most important right now.
I just like food and I can't help myself when you put something good in front of me, like a piece of chocolate cake or a big pizza pie with tons of meat on it.
I know I need to cut down and eat more salads, fish, and chicken.
Although, I have made some subtle changes, like eating more wheat bread and eating turkey bacon, instead of regular bacon.

I just know that I need to make some changes, but I just don't have the energy.
But I am so thankful to have a bunch of people who care about me and are there to support me in all the decisions I make.

That is all

~I.F.~

Tired, Sick, & Inspired

So, I am tired. Every day I dread getting up at 6 am, even though I love my school.
I have a cold right now, mostly congestion but with me being so tired every day, my immune system is weak, so I'm probably going to get sicker. But I hope not.

I am a official werewolf lover, just to point that out to everyone. The Shiver Trilogy is my new favorite series. I am sorry to say, but I am completely sick of Twilight. Plus, I have migrated from the vampires to the werewolves. I'd rather have a beautifully stunning, warm wolf with gorgeous eyes than have a bleached, stone cold vampire. They have no heart to me. The Shiver Trilogy is my new series and I am fully rooted with Grace & Sam. It is The Twilight for Werewolf Lovers.

My mom is irritating me a lot because she's rushing me to get a job and get my license but maybe I'm not ready for all of that yet. I've been looking for a job and I can't find one and I don't have time to study for my permit but I know I need to because my moms car is gonna go soon, and it's a one time offer for a free car. Although, her car is pretty old. I've been hoping for a call back or an email from Boston Market because my mom sent in an application for me and I got an email saying they're looking it over so, I'm hoping I get an interview.

That's all for now.
Wish me luck!!!

~I.F.~

New & Interesting Happenings

So, I have a lot going on and there's just SO much to write.

On a first note, I am a proud and happy senior; Glad to be graduating and moving on with my life and my career as a writer. Fate has shown me that writing is a big part of my future and makes up big parts in my life. I simply know this because, if I didn't write I wouldn't be able to live. Words hold and exhert their power over me but they use me to write sacred stories and inspiring poems that make the mind work and the heart soar. I have also made writing a part of my daily routine each and every day.

Nothing new on the love life. I yearn for love and I wish for love but, maybe it's better if I'm not in love right now. It's my senior year and I need to focus on myself as a person, my writing, driving, and a job. Parents are still divorced but I'm seeing my dad today after school and he's taking me to Chili's for lunch, which is awesome. My zodiac, the Taurus, says I am at my best when in love but I am also at my best when writing.

I got a new phone, finally and happily. I also got Internet and unlimited texting, courtesy of my amazing father lol

I'm trying to get a job at Boston Market near Walmart because they're hiring and I used to go to school with this girl and her father is the manager. I sent in my application and they said that they're looking over my application, including all the others, and they're trying to decide who is the best candidate for the job and hopefully, they'll call or email me asking for an interview. At least, I hope. But that's all I can do right now is hope.
I also need to get my junior license because my mom is offering me her car for free and if I don't inherit it soon, I won't have a free car anymore so I need to start studying for my permit test.

Also, me & my best friend, Meena are going to start putting together and making our own Zene. It's in the DIY category and we plan to get started next week or the week after, at the most. We're planning to start out with the book version first, which would be good helping us get started with our careers, and than transfer to our own blog or website. We might even have guest writers. The title is:

Breath Life into Me

It's going to consist of:

-Poetry

-Music

-Opinion

-Photos

-Short Stories (1 article a month)

-Book Reviews

That's all we have so far and it's a work in progress right now.

I also know what I'm planning to do as far as college.

I plant to attend community college locally for about 2 years to raise my GPA and get the extra credits I need and than I'm going to transfer to Coastal Carolina University (CCU) AKA My Dream School and live with my grandparents and hopefully, take care of my baby cousin =]

Okay! POETRY TIME!

No Title

We sit side by side

Our fingers rapidly hitting the keys

Writing ourselves and our thoughts onto the screen

We have so much to say

All these ideas flying in our heads need to be heard

Two great minds, two great hearts

Working as one

We are writers

And we are gonna tell the world our story

~I.F.~

New Blog

This is my new and improved, official blog.

A lot is going on but I can't blog about it now because I have lots of homework to do but I'll update soon.

~I.F.~